Enduring!

I always thought enduring was something you just did and not something you learned to do. There is no book or class to learn how to endure, but on reflection, here is what I did after the loss of my sister so I could move forward with my life. I didn’t plan it and it wasn’t easy, but I did manage to get it done.

Focus on good and get rid of the bad. This is much easier on the front end, than the back. Focus on family, friends and relationships that feel good. Share your thoughts and experiences; ask for opinions. Say hello to a stranger in the supermarket. More painful is the next step of distancing yourself from those who may be a friend or even family member, but can drag you down. They know enough about you to be dangerous, but you must limit your time with them so that you can grow and move on.

Get your priorities in order. We have all heard this many times but rarely do it in any effective form. Think about your responsibilities, commitments and legacy. If you do this for real, you will find it quite humbling and motivating.

Write about your experiences. Create a diary about what you are experiencing. Develop a quote or two just for you. Use social media or start your own blog site. Seeing your thoughts in writing is very therapeutic and actionable at the same time.

Get tight with a small group of people, your posse. You would be surprised at how open people are to helping. It cannot be everyone and I would consider anyone who has a big group on their side to be extremely lucky. Your closest friends are open to sharing your experiences with you…that is why they share special space with you. Pull them a little closer, make them your team and tell them your feelings. Share your heart and soul. The returns are exponential.

Talk to experienced people and professionals. Your family, neighbors and community have all dealt with pain. Whether it be sickness, death, bankruptcy or something else. I met people from all walks of life and disciplines as I sought to figure out why my sister had passed in such a macabre way when she was so good, to so many, for so long. The cancer community is incredibly supportive and resourceful. For me the Wellness Community was a great resource which both provided information and put me in touch with others who could help me. If your issues are outside of cancer and death, I am certain there are support groups you can find in your area using Google or just networking.

There are a few lines that I hear in my mind’s ear from the U2 song “One” and they are:

One love, One blood, One life

You’ve got to do what you should

One life with each other

Sister, brothers

My Best,