Long Walks in the Snow-A Lifetime of Yesterday's Update 12/4/24

I remember strolling along with whomever I was dating, different girls at varied times, but the scenes I remember would be the same. It was just the two of us on a snowy winter evening. These were the type of walks you take after eating a meal. The scene would always be different but eerily the same in New Jersey or Pennsylvania - the only two places I would have been during those years. We were in our late teens or early twenties. I was always with someone I was very close to, and we would share our stories of trying to figure our lives out. Snow would fall, and if the flakes were big, they would whirl around silently as they rested on the ground. If the flakes fell as a rampant form of snow, the whole area around us would be hissing as we walked and talked about our future, fearing little, dreaming big, while our shoes made that familiar crunching sound only we could hear. Soon, we would move on with life and wash the mud from between our toes and this unrealistic place, hoping to start again with clean slates as adults and only the future in our way. Over time, the invisible scars of living can heal but may also become as vivid as the frigid air in our faces. I can say that now because I lived it.

These experiences were emotional growth spurts for me. I never had a good, believable story to tell and commit to myself, so how would someone else buy into my fantasy? It would take a long time for me to have confidence in myself, to think I could create my path, then follow it, redirect, plow through, or jump over whatever obstacle I met. But I did, and to my surprise, parts of my life unfolded as I had thought.

I see the same hope when I look at my grandson. In his face, I feel what I heard so long ago and am just learning from it now. What a mix of unnaturally tied emotions. When I think of these experiences, I know I will be leaving something far behind that is real, far away, near the back of the frontier, just waiting for someone to take it. All my life wrapped up in a roller ball of consummate living and thinking, and the passing on of me as a cycle that burned for a good reason.

Peace,

Chris

I am unsure where this goes in the book, but it goes somewhere. I will do a video as I have some cool news to share with those who follow me here. Hang tight!