A Lifetime of Yesterdays 4/2/24

The words in my head and my heart don't stop; they feed on themselves. They're generative - creating more on their own. No motivation from me is needed. Many nights, they keep on coming long after I've fallen asleep. These must be dreams. It just doesn't stop, ever.

I'm 63, and I'm tired. It's been a long road. I used to talk about how short life is. Now, for me, it seems to be going a lot slower. Poor health will slow things down for many reasons. Multiple Sclerosis does its job of ruining any normalcy we think we might have. It could end suddenly, which would be as far as life goes. It can't speed up much from there;)

Words, my words, are essential to me. They have become compromised from the type of MS eating at my brain and spine. However, I am not afraid of much. Losing my eyesight and communication ability are at the top of that list. Not hearing spoken words is not too far behind. I've listened to a lot of banter in my lifetime. The most memorable is my mother screaming “Fuck” when I was young and had flooded our basement. It ranks right up there with “I'm pregnant!” How about? “You have Cancer,” or “Mr. Farber, you are an Alcoholic and will die if you don't stop drinking,” and “Chris, you have Multiple Sclerosis.” The MS quote is my favorite because we couldn't believe it, having been through so much—no reprisals were needed. That's life.

I tell my stories to help others. It is the best use of my time; we have three sons to help on their way. My words do it with some coaxing, but situations arise and need addressing. Real stories work well here.

I am trying like hell to get a memoir started and completed by taking classes with the fantastic folks at @Project Write Now. With their guidance, several of us are learning new writing techniques together. So much of it is new to me. It's fun and supports my belief in a lifetime of learning. Too bad I didn't pay more attention to learning in school. If it didn't wear a skirt or make me laugh, I wasn't interested.

I feel very fortunate that I was able to retire at 54. I had some success in my career after several fits and starts. It took me some time to figure out what retirement means. Health issues aside, I found a path that has led me to a book, A Lifetime of Yesterdays, by me and about me. It may sound self-serving, but it is anything but that. I write about what I have accomplished and how we did it. I realize success and doing hard things requires determination, the people you surround yourself with, and constantly educating yourself about what you are trying to do. Stick to those three things, and you have a chance. Remember, if you have no chance at something, it cannot go your way. It's just not possible. Working on improving your chances is all you can do. That's the magic.

Peace, Chris